The Quilted Squirrel

The TQS Blog

As the Squirrel Turns

We’re baaaack.

And so is Emily!

A few weeks ago, our trusty account manager up and left us for a two week honeymoon hiatus on the island of Maui. As a result, all our accounts went into a wild panic, nothing got done around the office, and the women’s restroom got a facelift.

The end.

 

Just kidding – mostly.

When you return from a two week vacation, it’s normal to find a full email inbox, stacks of paperwork and sticky notes on your desk, and a blinking red button on your phone indicating that you have approximately 61 voicemail messages. These things are to be expected.

It’s safe to say, however, that Emily got a few more “welcome home” gifts than she bargained for when she returned to TQS. Here are a few interesting things that really did happen while she was gone. (She thinks.)

Like sands through the hourglass, these were the days of our lives while Emily was away.

Objects in mirror were more confused than they appear.
Emily swears the mirror in the women’s restroom was changed out while she was gone. It’s bigger than before, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s just cleaner now? Has the frame always been that color? So many questions, so little answers. Steve claims he hasn’t been into the ladies’ room since March, but Emily is still not convinced. Despite her solid investigative work, the mystery surrounding the mirror continues. 

(SPOILER ALERT: It’s no different than it was before.)

Dawn set out on the start of her TQS adventure.
Like any adventure worth having, Dawn spent much of her beginning days navigating unknown territory and talking to a volleyball named Wilson. Among other things, she has become incredibly adept at spearfishing. We are immensely impressed by her ability to adapt to her newfound surroundings.*

Tyler joined the mafia. 
We’re just as confused about this as you are. None of it makes complete sense, but all we know is that there have been a lot of sketchy phone calls with phrases like “fax confirmation,” “payments,” and “consiglieres” being thrown around lately. There was even talk about some sort of christening, which is either exactly what we think it is or some new millennial car craze. He claims he’s only trying to transfer his car registration from California to New York; but we’ve all been watching our backs in the parking lot just in case.

We adopted an office dog. And he died.
Suspicions have arised that everyone colluded to adopt an office puppy, and then further colluded to hide any evidence of said puppy before Emily returned. Either that, or it died. Emily can’t entirely be sure (and we’ll never tell), but there are only between one and four other possible explanations for the urine-stained carpeting.**

In related news, we’re currently in search of an official office mascot. If you have any leads on an emotional support squirrel, please send them our way.

* As it turns out, we’ve confused Dawn’s first two weeks with Cast Away, the 2000 American survival film starring Tom Hanks. As one does.
** No animals were harmed (or died) in the making of this blog post. However, the office carpet has been urinated upon (mostly by visiting pets) in the past.

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