Ah, Thanksgiving. Soon, we’ll all be hunched over in discomfort from eating way too much pumpkin pie, completely ignoring our bodies’ signals to stop eating. This is, of course, at the top of everyone’s “Favorite Things About Thanksgiving” list. But what about those TQS folks? How do they really feel about Thanksgiving? What are their deepest, darkest secrets? Do they dream? To find out, we passed around a highly anonymous survey. Luckily, a few of them even responded.

Q1: Your name, please.

Steve: Stephen Carl Lingle

Dawn: Dawn Rayl

Emily: Emily

Q2: Turkey.

Steve: Yes.

Dawn: Yes.

Emily: No.

Q3: Talk to me a little bit more about your feelings regarding turkey.

Steve: Turkey is fine. Going into Thanksgiving dinner, I always anticipate consuming more turkey than I actually do. I feel like sometimes I force myself to eat more, just to live up to my own expectations. But when the consumption fall short, I’m also not sure if it’s a result of a lack of passion for turkey in general, or perhaps a byproduct of a turkey that could have been prepared more flavorfully. I’ll try to monitor this more closely this coming Thanksgiving.

Dawn: I don’t really have many feelings when I think about turkey. I DO think about naps and the words “dry” or “moist.” Who doesn’t love naps and the word “moist”?

Emily: Turkey is decidedly and unequivocally the worst. It is beyond me why we, as a society, settled on having a big, uninspired, flavorless idiot bird as the main course of an otherwise delightful holiday. We blew it, frankly, and as a result, have needlessly suffered through hundreds of disappointing years. But I do think there’s still time. I think we can still save Thanksgiving. I’d now like to present several solutions. One is serving smaller, more interesting game bird such as pheasant or quail. These would also lend themselves nicely to deep frying, which is far too dangerous to do with a turkey. Another more obvious solution is serving a nice succulent, slow roasted pork shoulder. A pork shoulder can still be prepared ahead of time, can feed many people, and pairs deliciously with traditional Thanksgiving side dishes. Thank you for your time.

Q4: Favorite side dish and why?

Steve: Cranberry sauce. It’s a burst of flavor amongst a pallet of otherwise similar tasting foods (turkey, stuffing, potatoes, rolls, to name a few).

Dawn: My mom has always made candied yams. Candied yams are exactly what they sound like. They are yams covered in brown sugar topped with marshmallows. I would always pour the juice on top of my turkey. Confession: I still do this and it is DELICIOUS! I have no shame in my game.

Emily: When I get a taste of mashed potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry sauce all on one fork. This is where the preconceived notion of what a side dish can be ends, and where life begins.

Q5: Favorite Thanksgiving song?

Steve: America’s Sweetheart by Ellie King

Dawn: I only know one Thanksgiving song and that is The Thanksgiving Song by Adam Sandler. So, that’s my fav!

Emily: Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf

Q6: Least Favorite Thanksgiving song?

Steve: Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO

Dawn: I only know one Thanksgiving song and that is The Thanksgiving Song by Adam Sandler. The song is catchy and I really like Adam Sandler. So, I guess I don’t have a least favorite.

Emily: (You’re) Having My Baby by Paul Anka

Q7: Please rank the following items from “most thankful for” to “least thankful for.”

Steve:
The United States Postal Service
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Puppies
Oven mitts
Acrostic poems

Dawn:
Puppies
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
The United States Postal Service
Acrostic poems
Oven mitts

Emily:
Puppies
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Oven mitts
The United States Postal Service
Acrostic poems

Q8: How do you think your answer to Q7 might change over the coming year?

Steve: I could see “The Rock” overcoming the Postal Service if he runs for President in 2020 and defeats Trump. Although that wouldn’t be in the next year. With regards to the next 12 months, I don’t anticipate any changes. Unless my dog eats our oven mitt…

Dawn: We will have to wait and see.

Emily: I think “The Rock” might disappoint me this coming year. Not sure how yet, but I just have a feeling. Could also very likely gain a higher level of appreciation for acrostic poems. Hard to say.

Q9: Thank you.

Steve: No, thank you.

Dawn: No…thank you!

Emily: Thank you.

Q10: Bye.

Steve: As a time-saving measure, I’ve recently considered eliminating “bye” from phone conversations, or even personal interactions. On it’s own, it doesn’t consume much time, but when combined with all of the “byes” over a life time, I bet it takes up a decent amount of time that could be better spent on other things.

Dawn: Bye now.

Emily: You’re leaving? :(