Here at The Quilted Squirrel, we have a lot of ideas—or, as Tyler might call them, “waves entering our brains” (is he an alien? Stay tuned to find out!). Some of them are really good, and they fit into larger campaigns or solve a particular problem and deliver results for our clients. Others are really good, but they’re not exactly what our clients are looking for at the moments. And others are only good according to us. They rarely leave the room where they’re brainstormed, but they become cherished inside jokes to which we refer when we need a good chuckle.

Today, dear reader, we’re opening the vault and giving you a glimpse at some of the ideas that fall into the third of the aforementioned three categories. We encourage you to think of it as a peek at the inner workings of our creative process that you never asked for.

1. Garage door action figures: Exactly like they sound. Small, plastic, anthropomorphic garage doors, probably with capes, definitely with googly eyes—like if the Philadelphia Flyers’ lovable orange demon mascot Gritty was slightly less menacing and slightly more like a common household appliance. Each garage door character would have its own strengths and weaknesses, and customers would be encouraged to collect each one. Eventually, the rush of collecting them all would fade until they became priceless rarities (a la Beanie Babies) in 25 years, at which point they’ll sell for thousands on eBay—demonstrating the value of investing in a garage door and, finally, completing the lifecycle of the campaign.
2. Loan Genie: Rub a lamp. Meet a genie. Get three wishes. It’s that simple*.
3. Metal detector in a scrap yard: Why toil for gratification when you can get it instantly? Hit the jackpot every time when you take a metal detector to a scrap yard, where every beep is a treasure and literally everything beeps.
4. Putting your competitors’ landscaping signs on bad lawns: Landscapers love to put their names on signs. It’s a pretty standard marketing practice among the landscaping community. But not all landscapers are flush with cash to spend on flashing, sign-based advertising. For morally dubious landscapers on a budget, there’s putting your competitors’ signs on bad lawns. Save money, besmirch your enemies, feel kind of bad but not bad enough to stop because this is your marketing plan now.
5. Various scratch and sniff items: Perhaps unsurprisingly, scratch and sniff has factored into more than one of our brilliant ideas. Have you ever been able to resist the temptation of scratch and sniff? Our guess is no. Everyone knows that the last thing a scratch-activated, dill pickle-scented sticker actually smells like is a dill pickle, yet our innate curiosity implores us to scratch anyway. Digital marketing is a bubble. Sensory marketing is the future and scratch-activated scents are the vanguard of the movement. You heard it here first.

*It’s not that simple. Exclusions apply. For example, you can only wish for a loan and/or getting a good rate on it. If desired, the Loan Genie also does events like birthdays and retirement parties but charges one wish per appearance and two to emerge from a giant cake.