The Quilted Squirrel

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A Few Minutes with Jerry, Part II

Some time ago, via this blog, we enjoyed the pleasure of getting to know one of our co-owners, Jerry Lee. Fast forward to some time later (right now), and we have the opportunity to get to know him even better. From sitcoms to space travel, politics to Prince Harry, and everything in-between, I recently took a deep dive into Jerry’s World. Please enjoy. But proceed with caution.

Question

Response

Analysis


What is your second greatest fear in life?

In life, it would be dying. That would be a bummer. My first would be Donald Trump becoming president, but you didn’t ask for my first.

Submitted without comment.

With whom do you spend most of your time? Would you like to change that?
My dog Monty, and absolutely not.

No one can argue with this. Jerry loves his dog unconditionally. And in this way, is much like the dog himself.


We’ve both agreed that The Office is the greatest sitcom of all-time.
Two-part follow-up:

a. Do you have any reason to believe that I don’t think it’s the greatest sitcom of all time?

Of course, because I question everything you say. You might be a liar. Maybe you really weren’t the recipient of a Nobel Prize, the man who deflowered Margaret Thatcher or the inventor of the cotton gin. If I ever prove you wrong on those, then I’ll know you’re a liar. Liar.

He’s right. Margaret Thatcher, with all due respect, isn’t my “type.”

b. My favorite episode is Women’s Appreciation (aka The Flasher). Why do you think it’s my favorite episode?

Probably because it originally aired on May 3rd, 2007 – the same day American astronaut Wally Schirra died. I know you hated him.

Hate is a strong word. I wasn’t a fan of his space exploration practices, but that doesn’t mean I hated him.

Tell me about a time in life that you didn’t face any adversity.

I don’t know anyone by that name.

Yes, you do. Remember that one time we were throwing rocks by the quarry, and that man came over and said “Hi.”? His name was Adversity.

5. One time, you told me about your desire to own a Lexus RX330. I remarked about how I thought it was an “old man’s car; a car fit for a retired insurance agency owner.” With that conversation in mind, two-part question:
a. Do you remember that conversation?

I do, but I remember you being taller then as well.

b. If you never have the chance to be a retired insurance agency owner, what would you like to be?

More compassionate.

I’ve always thought Jerry to be one of the most compassionate people I know. The world might not be able to handle a more compassionate Jerry.

6. Ten years ago, where did you see yourself in five years?

How old would that make me now? And was I wearing my glasses, because I can’t see well without them.

This scenario would make you 40 right now. But two years prior, you would have been only 38. Physics and biology are crazy!

7. In 10 years, where do you see yourself in five years?

On my third wife. Literally, “on” her. Because I plan to take up in-house rollerblading, and I’m not very coordinated.

I’m glad you clarified about the rollerblading. Very glad.

8. You’re a big Bills fan. But you have an even bigger heart. Tell me about a time your heart was broken?

When McDonald’s temporarily pulled Hot Mustard from their Chicken McNugget condiment inventory.

How did that make you feel?

Bewildered. And tall.

When I was young(er), my grandfather used to think Ronald McDonald was a real person. Then, years later, my brother dated someone who’s father was the “regional Ronald McDonald.” To the best of my knowledge, this girl’s father and my grandfather never crossed paths. Thank God. I can’t imagine the fallout if their worlds collided.


9. Our offices share a common wall. Have you ever thought about “breaking down” that barrier between us?

Not after installing the hidden camera, no. I like to think our minds know no barriers anyway.

There’s a window on this wall. I think it makes the “barrier” less intimidating. Unless one of us closes the window…then, intimidation knows no bounds. None.

10. You were very close with your grandmother, Marjorie Hohman. If we had named our agency after her, which we almost did, assuming she wasn’t dead, how do you think she would have responded?

Probably with one of her monthly letters to the family that she typed on her word processor and printed using carbon paper to make sure she could print multiple copies inexpensively.

Do you think she would have demanded royalties?

Prince Harry, maybe, because of his red hair. Nothing more, though.

Well, there you have it. A few minutes with Jerry provides seemingly a lifetime of material. Or at least enough to eat up 850 words in a blog post. Happy trails, for now — until our next installment of “A few minutes with Jerry,” where we’ll look back on these same questions, and examine how Jerry’s responses have impacted his life moving forward. And backward.

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